Though it would be every parent's dream for their teenagers to wait until they're older to date, the reality is that on average, adolescents start dating as early as age 13. At this age, most aren't mature enough to handle the emotional rollercoaster and responsibility that comes with dating. From emotional to physical abuse, they end up in toxic unhealthy relationships early on.
While you may not be able to keep your teens from dating, as a parent, you do have influence in the types of relationships your teen gets involved in, and more importantly, tolerates. Here's some advice on how to encourage your teens to sustain healthy dating relationships.
Lead By Example
You may think that your teenager is so wrapped up in their own lives that they're not paying attention to your relationship. Yet, the reality is, they're paying attention and often using your relationship as an example of what their own should look like. Having ups and downs is normal, but if you're in a relationship where there's constant arguing, controlling behaviors, emotional abuse, and physical violence, your teenager will assume these behaviors are normal and will accept them in their own relationships. Therefore, it is imperative for parents to sustain healthy loving relationships.
Have Regular Conversations
Talking about dating and relationships with your teenager may feel strange at first, but it is best that they get accurate information from you than inaccurate information from other sources (friends, media, etc). Just before or immediately following puberty, you should begin having conversations with your teens about everything from the birds and the bees to their school crushes and more. Discuss what a healthy relationship looks like and red flags that a relationship might be toxic.
Set Clear Dating Rules
Again, you can't prevent your teenager from dating. The more you try to the more inclined they are to sneak around and date anyway. So, when the time is right, it is best to encourage a healthy relationship by setting clear rules and educating your teenager on how to set boundaries.
If your teen is going to date, one rule might be that they can only go to public places like the mall or out for ice cream after school. Another might be when sending texts, emails, or social media posts, that forwarding funny Christmas ecards or memes is acceptable but sending sexual pictures or messages is not. Once you've come up with ideal dating rules for your teenager (based on their age and level of maturity), be sure to stick to them and be willing to follow through with consequences if they do not listen.
Be Involved in Their Relationships
Meddling in every detail of their relationship obviously isn't the way to go, but completely ignoring your teen and their significant other is a disaster waiting to happen. Find ways to be an involved parent once your teen starts dating. Invite their date over for dinner or other family functions and gatherings. This will give you a chance to get to know more about who your child is dating, how they behave, and how your teenager acts when they're around. It also shows their significant other that your teen has a supportive and involved family which can deter them from engaging in negative, risky, or unhealthy behaviors.
Step In When You See Red Flags
Though you want to provide your teenager with some freedom to experience dating, if you start to notice red flags you must step in. Maybe you recognize that every time your teenage daughter wants to go out with her girlfriends, her boyfriend catches a fit and encourages her not to. Perhaps you notice new marks and bruises on your teen that they have no explanation for. If your child who was normally pretty well-behaved starts acting out recklessly like misbehaving in school, experimenting with harmful substances, or being defiant at home, it is your responsibility to intervene.
Relationships are difficult for two adults to handle at times, which is why many parents try to prevent their teens from dating too soon. Be that as it may, teenagers are starting to date at an early age. Failure to educate them on what a healthy relationship looks like and warning signs of a toxic relationship can put them in a very dangerous position. Utilize the above-mentioned advice to encourage your teens to set boundaries and entertain positive relationships for their own well-being.
