Being a preteen or teen has never been more challenging. Today, members of Generation Z on the teetering on the cusp of their teenage years have to deal with a pandemic on top of everything else. Though signs show they've weathered Covid-19 admirably psychologically and socially, they still face many uncertainties.
Though all tweens experience turmoil, girls tend to have concerns unique to their gender. Moms and dads can help daughters better deal with what's ahead by initiating a few important conversations. Because these discussions lean toward a more serious nature, they're best tackled during calm, uninterrupted moments. Indeed, parents should be cautious about forcing potentially embarrassing topics at inopportune times. A private, laid-back setting is the best opportunity to introduce several key subjects.
If you have a preteen girl under your roof, bring up the following topics. You don't have to finish conversations all at once. Allow your tween to process what she's heard. Follow up later as a way of continuing the open dialogue and giving her a chance to ask more questions.
1. Talk about periods and PMS.
Most tween girls (and boys, for that matter) have a basic understanding of menstruation. They may even have been taught about reproduction in school. However, never assume that your daughter appreciates what having a period is like. Many girls carry misconceptions about how heavy their period will be, what it will feel like, and how it will affect their day-to-day routines.
As early as you feel comfortable, begin discussing everything from feminine hygiene products to weird food cravings. Some moms like to make the discussion personal by talking about what they've done to minimize PMS symptoms. This could include talking about birth control options for the hormonal benefits that help with muscular and uterine cramping. Ultimately, your daughter should have fewer fears and more information to guide her when she starts her period.
2. Speak frankly about mental health considerations.
Mental health has arisen as a critical health concern. Teen suicide rates have risen sharply between 2010 and 2020. And many kids struggle with anxiety, depression, and other treatable psychological conditions.
Your daughter will undoubtedly undergo mood swings, which are on par with the teenage years. However, she should know the difference between feeling grumpy or sad and experiencing debilitating, limiting mental responses. Make sure she knows she can come to you if she feels her mental health slipping. Even if your tween doesn't want to tell you exactly what's happening, her openness can be the impetus for getting treatment. What happens if you think she needs professional counseling? Her pediatrician or family doctor will probably want to check her first and then recommend therapists in your area.
3. Discuss issues around peer pressure and cyberbullying.
Generation Z has grown up with social media. It's how they communicate, and they're true digital natives. With that being said, they're at the mercy of the downside of living an online life that everyone can see.
The need for constant social validation can slowly erode a teen's sense of perspective and self-worth. Many kids' days are filled with popping filtered images onto Instagram and making TikTok videos. They become attached to a constant need for social validation in the form of followers, likes, and comments. This isn't unique to teens, either. Adults can fall into this cycle, too. The result can be tremendous peer influence and susceptibility to bullying.
This talk may be the toughest you have with your daughter because she probably likes being on the hottest social platforms. After all, that's where her friends are. But continue to observe her behaviors and ask questions. Peer pressure and cyberbullying can only be overcome with open channels of communication between kids and adults they trust.
4. Have a conversation about weight and healthy eating.
The good news is that weight acceptance has taken away some of the "weight shaming" girls traditionally felt in the past. Nevertheless, many tween girls complain about weight or feeling like they're the least attractive member of their friend group.
It can be tough to watch your daughter negate her self-worth just because of the numbers on a scale. Don't sit back and take it all in without intervening. If your daughter is truly unhealthy, help her begin eating meals higher in nutritional value. You may even want to start exercising with her or changing the whole family's attitude toward food. On the other hand, your preteen may simply be unrealistic in her expectations of what "normal" looks like. Be patient as you accept her feelings while challenging her belief that women have to be a particular size.
5. Open the door to talking about drugs.
Schools usually teach preteens about the dangers of using street drugs, abusing legally obtained drugs, or smoking. Continue this dialogue at home. Don't just tell your daughter never to use drugs or smoke cigarettes. Instead, educate her about why drug use can be detrimental.
Kids may not think about the peripheral or long-term dangers of experimenting with drugs that seem mild. They're not aware of how addictive some drugs can be, or what addicts will do to get a fix. They may also have a skewed understanding of the legal or academic implications of being caught using or sharing drugs. The more upfront you can be, the more they'll know the full picture of drugs' dangerous roadmap.
More than anything else, you want your daughter to have a great teen experience. You can help reduce friction by talking about tough topics early and regularly. That way, she'll be more likely to come to you with concerns. And you'll feel better knowing that she's been given a solid foundation.
