Contrary to popular belief, talking about your problems all the time does not necessarily help solve them.
Psychologist Walter Mischel conducted a study which found that talking about trauma does not necessarily diminish its effects and in fact can make them worse. Still, this is not a bad sign for therapists- Mischel clarifies that there is no right or wrong way to work with trauma experiences. There is simply a fine line between processing an experience to make it manageable, and re-traumatizing someone by reliving it.
Mischel's findings focus on rumination of problems, also known as dwelling on it. Constantly thinking about and talking about bad experiences can further send a person into a downward spiral, he said. He added that temporarily distracting oneself from a painful event can allow a person to be more thoughtful of the event in the long run, minus the self-destructive tendencies.
Mischel added that constantly talking about a failed relationship does not soothe the pain of the heartbreak too. In fact, it can even make you and the people around you feel worse. "Common wisdom suggests that if we thoroughly revisit our negative experiences to try to understand why they happened, we'll eventually be able to move on. However, new research is showing that some people only get worse by continuing to brood and ruminate," he said.
Each time a person recounts the experience to himself or herself, to a friend, or even a therapist, the person only becomes even more depressed. A possible strategy is self-distancing, which calls for a more objective view. Self-distancing helps without reactivating the pain, helping one get past bad experiences.
For those dealing with the heartbreak of a failed relationship, Mischel recommends taking aspirin instead. "When we speak about rejection experiences in terms of physical pain, it is not just a metaphor: the broken heart and emotional pain really do hurt in a physical way", he said.