So-called May-December relationships, in which there's a big age gap between the partners, can be rewarding -- and also challenging.
The good news is those issues can be handled, just like any other relationship issue -- regardless of age. You just have to know how. Here are five common problems that can happen, and how to address them.
One of the first barriers you may face is the reaction of your family and friends. For instance, they may say stereotypical things about "cougars," if the woman is the older partner, or "trophy wives," if the man is the older partner.
The trick is to help others understand why you "make sense." Some tactics we recommend are:
- Don't force your partner on your family, but make sure your family knows he or she can't be excluded from family functions.
- Realize that your partner may want to be connected with his or her parents even if they aren't accepting of you.
- Tell your family you understand their concerns, but don't get caught constantly defending your partner.
- Be a team. When you're with family, don't leave your partner alone for long periods of time if you're concerned about avoiding uncomfortable situations.
- If all else fails, keep family visits short.
For May-December couples, having children can be an issue. If a woman is older, she may not want, or be able, to have kids. A man may not want to start over when he's older.
This doesn't have to be a deal breaker, but it's wise to address it early on in the relationship.
If one partner wants kids and the other doesn't, you may be able to work through the issue with counseling and acceptance that your idea of a family may have to change.
If you're the older partner, you may already have children from a previous relationship.
it is important to be respectful of the children -- they didn't ask for a step-parent, much less one who may be near their age.
It can help to spend time alone with your child. Just make sure they know your partner is there to stay.
Another major challenge can be dealing with health issues an older partner might have. But again, there are ways to work through this.
